Overwhelmed.

25 07 2010

All I’ve been doing since I got back from my last trip at the end of June has been: work, train, and go to the beach (weather permitting — which has been like 90% of my Saturdays).  I’ve trained for the last 8 days straight – either jiu jitsu, muay thai, or conditioning.  My body felt like it was slowly breaking down at the end of the week, but somehow I found the energy to continue the momentum.

Since I’ve unintentionally put jiu jitsu on the top of my priority list, I feel like my muay thai has been digressing (even though Lawren and Kevin G. don’t seem to think so since my punches and kicks are getting stronger).  The big problem in both cases is that I am not aggressive enough.  I need to get mad.  I need to find that fire.  I need to do… something.  I don’t want to spar because everyone has been getting hurt.  And because I like choosing my sparring partners to prevent any “accidents.”

I also feel like time is flying by so quickly and I’m overwhelmed with the thought of the fall semester starting so quickly.  My syllabi are due today (at least a draft of them), and I have yet to turn it in to the Sociology chair.  Granted they are almost done and need some minor adjustments, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed that I am not as prepared as I would like to be at this point.  I’m a bit rusty with my Sociology, especially all of the research part.  I really need to get ahead soon, or else I’m going to pay for it next month when I come back from Cali.

Today, Kyle asked me if I’m moving… and then asked to where.  I’m realizing that it’s becoming more and more difficult as the months go by, especially since I am torn between two places of equal value to me… and because moving is not going to be at all as easy as I think it will be.  Finding someone to rent my condo is going to suck.  Paying the difference between the rent and my mortgage is going to suck (although I just refinanced).  And finding a job whereever I choose to go will be the greatest challenge.  I feel like I can’t multi-task well at all right now.  I’m too distracted.  But, I am certain that I cannot continue to live in Hawaii anymore.  I need change.  I need to grow.  And I really need to test myself… to experience life outside my comfort zone.

Things are just moving to quickly, or I’m too engrossed or exhausted from training to notice.  The TOMMA team comes in next week for the Galaxy event and I’m hoping to spend as much time with them as my schedule allows.  So that means one more week of hard training, tapering down the following week, and then off to Cali the week after.

Maybe this is a good thing though.  I think I’ve spent less time worrying about the other things that I couldn’t seem to control in the last few months… yet, although it still bothers me and continues to be on my mind, at least it doesn’t consume my every thought anymore to the point of complete distraction.

Dammit.  Time to get back to that syllabus…

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